Greetings, earthlings! I speak in such an extraterrestrial tongue because a different planet is the only explanation I have for where I have been this past year. While my heart, and my mind have been right here, writing, scribbling, thinking, I, myself have been in a galaxy far, far away. I have written this particular article in many fashions, tongues, many times, and I have just looked at my reflection in my laptop,and felt unrecognizable. That is more or less how I have felt this past year, unrecognizable, I have been growing and becoming someone I felt could slam away at these keys in a vessel that I could stand behind. Since we've last parted I have lost parts of myself both physically and metaphorically. I have jotted down the many intimacies of my mind that I have let both consume, enamor, and expand the woman I have become, and I have much to share with you all. While I am sure the viewership of this particular blog either knows me on a personal enough basis, or is of the emotional and mental capacity to forgive my absence due to the understanding that I needed space to evolve I felt it only right to utter some sort of explanation. So here it is...
I didn't feel right writing things that felt like they were constantly evolving. I was writing articles as I was living them, and things were altering and changing faster than I could publish. The mirror became unfamiliar, and then it became and enemy, and I resented the person who was speaking behind this keyboard and instead of giving her a voice I decided to mute her. Whether or not that was the right choice is up in the air, but it gave me the time and space to edit, and grow the eleven articles I had been working on in that time from a outsider opinion to a first hand account, and it matured not only my rhetoric but my personal sense of self.
Since parting I have had a breast reduction that triggered body image, and sexual assault trauma I needed to deal with. I separated from a job that made me feel hindered and mundane, and forced myself to face the frightening reality that I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to be. This propelled me into a time of reflection on whether or not I believed livelihood definies who you are and if I believe my art and its monetary worth bare any measurement of my personal worth. Unfortunate times of self hatred filled me, hardship, love loss, friend loss, and the pressure of new beginnings and endings surrounded me. I started a graduate program, and I also ended said graduate program after letting it run me into a rut where I was running from others peoples perception of whether or not that Masters degree defined me as a success or failure. I separated from friends that I outgrew even though I had to brave loneliness. I took this year to let myself become extremely uncomfortable, and I came out the other side a much stronger woman that I am much prouder to be. While there is so much more work to be done I feel so much more prepared to look at the things I want to share objectively and honestly. There is so much more of me now that I can share, and while this article will be lost in the flood of articles the rest of our time together will bring I want to thank everyone who reads my work past and present. Your patience, support, grace when educating me, and space to allow me to correct and grow is a gift that I can only hope to reciprocate through this work. Lets explore. Lets expand. I hope to bring an ever growing voice to multiple platforms going forward, and I thank you for lending me yourselves to me. Consider this a brand new tube of Chapstick.
I didn't feel right writing things that felt like they were constantly evolving. I was writing articles as I was living them, and things were altering and changing faster than I could publish. The mirror became unfamiliar, and then it became and enemy, and I resented the person who was speaking behind this keyboard and instead of giving her a voice I decided to mute her. Whether or not that was the right choice is up in the air, but it gave me the time and space to edit, and grow the eleven articles I had been working on in that time from a outsider opinion to a first hand account, and it matured not only my rhetoric but my personal sense of self.
Since parting I have had a breast reduction that triggered body image, and sexual assault trauma I needed to deal with. I separated from a job that made me feel hindered and mundane, and forced myself to face the frightening reality that I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to be. This propelled me into a time of reflection on whether or not I believed livelihood definies who you are and if I believe my art and its monetary worth bare any measurement of my personal worth. Unfortunate times of self hatred filled me, hardship, love loss, friend loss, and the pressure of new beginnings and endings surrounded me. I started a graduate program, and I also ended said graduate program after letting it run me into a rut where I was running from others peoples perception of whether or not that Masters degree defined me as a success or failure. I separated from friends that I outgrew even though I had to brave loneliness. I took this year to let myself become extremely uncomfortable, and I came out the other side a much stronger woman that I am much prouder to be. While there is so much more work to be done I feel so much more prepared to look at the things I want to share objectively and honestly. There is so much more of me now that I can share, and while this article will be lost in the flood of articles the rest of our time together will bring I want to thank everyone who reads my work past and present. Your patience, support, grace when educating me, and space to allow me to correct and grow is a gift that I can only hope to reciprocate through this work. Lets explore. Lets expand. I hope to bring an ever growing voice to multiple platforms going forward, and I thank you for lending me yourselves to me. Consider this a brand new tube of Chapstick.
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